Chemical Engineer Joke

1) Chemical Engineers vs. Chemists

Question: What’s the difference between Chemists and Chemical Engineers?
Answer: Chemical Engineers get paid and Chemists teach chemistry.

2) Chemical Engineer Flirting

Question: How does a Chemical Engineer flirt?
Answer: “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are so CuTe!

3) Bear in polar Water

Question: Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Answer: Because it was polar.

4) Civil vs. Mechanical Engineers

Question: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Answer: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

5) Civil vs. Chemical Engineers

Question: What is the difference between Chemical and Civil Engineers?
Answer: Chemical Engineers build targets that explode much better.

6) Neutron at a Bar

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender:  “How much for a beer?”
The bartender looks at him and says: “For you, it’s no charge.”

7) Simple Math

Question: How does a Chemical Engineer multiplies 2 by 2?
Answer: He uses a slide rule, gets a result of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure

8) Broken Car

A Mechanical, Chemical, and Computer Engineer are on a road trip. Suddenly, the car squeaks and grinds to a halt. The Chemical Engineer says: “did you hear that squeak? That’s contaminated fuel, so we better clean the fuel lines!”
“Nah,” replies the Mechanical Engineer, “that was the piston seizing, so we better take the engine apart quick!”
The Computer Engineer remains quiet and after some prodding from the other two, he replies shyly “Maybe if we could get out of the car and get back in again?”

9) Human Body Design – Is God an Engineer?

Who engineered the human body?
Mechanical Engineer – Look at all those joints!
Chemical Engineer – Think of all the mass and energy balance!
Electrical Engineer – Look at all those neurons and electrical connections in our bodies!
Civil Engineer – Who else would put a sewage pipe right next to a playground?!!

10) The Frog Princess and a Chemical Engineer

A man wearing a white lab coat was walking down a meadow path when he spotted a frog. The frog called out to him “if you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess!” Without much thought, the man gently took the frog in both his hands and deposited it in his lab coat’s pocket.

The frog called out again, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess, and stay with you for the weekend!”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back in his coat pocket.

The frog tried again – “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess, stay with you for a whole week AND do anything you want!” but the man simply took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled, and put it back.

The exasperated frog called out to him one last time: “What is wrong with you dude? I just told you that I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. All you have to do is kiss me, so why don’t you?”

The man, looking slightly amused, said, “Listen, I’m a chemical engineer, so I REALLY don’t have time for a girlfriend right now, but a talking frog is pretty damn cool thing to have!”

11) How Many Engineers Does it Take to Change a Light bulb

How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a second year subject.

How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
“Will this question be in the final examination?”

How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.

How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
“Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway.”

How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable – but functional – hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

12) Mathematicians and Chemical Engineers

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket. The engineers have one between them. As the conductor starts through the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory.

The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says “Ticket, please.” At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home.

As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. The engineers have no ticket!
After a while, one of the engineers says, “Here comes the conductor!” So all three mathematicians jump up and run into the lavatory with their one ticket.

One of the engineers goes to the lavatory door and says “Ticket, please.”